The Onion of Acceptance: How a Greek Word and The Beatles Changed My Recovery

I’ve been in AA for a couple of decades now, and increasingly I have come to lean on acceptance as truly the answer to all my problems. I’m not sure if it is because I’m getting older or just working a better program as time goes on. I find it comforting these days that I can lean back in meditation and accept that place, person or situation as it exists at this moment.I wish I could say that works every time! But being on the recovery path doesn’t guarantee success.

When acceptance becomes overwhelming and difficult, God usually has a bigger lesson for me to learn. I spend a lot more time in meditation, reading and praying. Sometimes this can take a considerable amount of effort, struggle and pain. In our program that’s commonly called growth.

During these times I often lamented that acceptance seemed to be a huge, big ball to roll down the path of recovery. It seemed insurmountable. I have since learned that is not the case. Many years ago, I was at church listening to our pastor’s sermon. He explained that in the Greek of the New Testament, a word used for forgiveness can also mean “let it be.” It stuck in my mind, and a while ago I decided to research that statement. It is true, but it gets even better! I began to see how those meanings connect with acceptance.

In Koine Greek—the ancient Greek dialect in which the New Testament was originally written—the word aphiemi caught my attention. Depending on the context, it can mean “to let go,” “to leave alone,” “to send away,” or “to forgive.” Those connected meanings helped me look at acceptance differently. To my surprise, I began to understand acceptance through three connected ideas.

So that giant ball of acceptance I worked so hard to understand became like an onion with layers. In this way I can work acceptance in three distinct smaller parts, which is a lot easier than one immense struggle. I don’t have to resolve every feeling at once. I can work on what I recognize today, and another layer may become clearer later. Through these connected meanings, I have come to understand acceptance in three smaller parts.

The first part is “Acceptance is the Answer.” The famous passage from the Big Book states that “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today” because discomfort comes from fighting reality. When I am trapped in resentment, anger, or struggling to control a situation, my mind is tightly gripping a reality I wish was different. Aphiemi means to completely dismiss a claim or cancel a debt. When AA teaches us to accept a person, place, or situation exactly as it is, it is telling us to perform an act of aphiemi—to look at the unmet expectations you are holding against the world and say, “The debt is canceled. I release my demand for this to be different.”

The second part is inspired by The Beatles’ “Let It Be.” When Paul McCartney wrote the song, he was comforted by a dream of his mother, Mary, during a time of immense stress and friction within the band. To “let it be” is the literal, physical definition of aphiemi—to leave something alone, to let it stay where it is. Instead of frantically trying to force, control, fix, or manipulate a broken situation, “Let It Be” is a call to surrender. Mother Mary’s “whisper of wisdom” is to stop fighting the storm. By leaving the problem alone, you stop pouring your energy into chaos, allowing peace to enter.

The third part reveals forgiveness as the ultimate surrender. When I tie all three together, I get a beautiful blueprint for navigating modern emotional pain. In today’s world, we often think forgiveness means saying, “What you did was okay,” or “I am warmly welcoming you back.” But aphiemi proves that true forgiveness is much closer to recovery and surrender. For me, forgiveness means working toward releasing the resentment I carry. I don’t have to say that what happened was okay. I can acknowledge the hurt and begin to loosen its hold on me, even if I need to return to that hurt and practice forgiveness more than once.

When the big ball of acceptance overwhelms me, I look at the onion and peel back some layers and work my resentment in smaller parts. Today I look at acceptance differently than I did in early recovery. But that is how AA works. In AA we grow, learn and move forward down the path of recovery. This research and story have been a spiritual awakening for me. This has been another step down the road of my recovery.

And finally, what is acceptance for me? Acceptance is the decision to look at a past hurt, a broken relationship, or a deep resentment, and practice AA’s acceptance and Paul McCartney’s lyric simultaneously: I accept the loss, I let it be history, and I let it go so it can no longer control my present day.